Party Lights

From: Susan Hunt

Date: Sunday 7 October 2012 11:32pm
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Bright Light

Dear Nick,

Someone has installed a very bright light outside the building. Do you know anything about this? I am unable to sleep as the light shines into my bedroom.

Yours Sincerely,

Susan Hunt

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From: Nick Alexander
Date: Sunday 7 October 2012 11:47pm
To: Susan Hunt
Subject: Re: Bright Light

Dear Susan,

Yes.

Regards Nick

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From: Susan Hunt
Date: Sunday 7 October 2012 11:48pm
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Bright Light

Yes what? You do know something about the bright light?

Yours Sincerely,

Susan Hunt

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From: Nick Alexander
Date: Sunday 7 October 2012 11:51pm
To: Susan Hunt
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Bright Light

Dear Susan,

Yes.

Regards Nick

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From: Susan Hunt
Date: Sunday 7 October 2012 11:53pm
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bright Light

Ughhh! It is always so frustrating talking to you. You are the worst neighbor ever.

Did you install the bright light outside of our building? Why would you do that? Can you please turn it off so that I can go to sleep? It is very bright.

Yours Sincerely,

Susan Hunt

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From: Nick Alexander
Date: Sunday 7 October 2012 11:56pm
To: Susan Hunt
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bright Light

Dear Susan,

Last night you were playing some of your techno dance party music until 4:30 in the morning. I knocked on the walls several times in an attempt to have you turn down the volume but that was to no avail. I might have come to your door and rang the doorbell but I feared that you may have lost your job and turned your suite into an opium den. I did not feel it safe to run the risk of encountering the unsavory characters that may be coming and going from your new establishment.

As a matter of convenience and being the kind neighbor that I am, I decided I would just switch my days and nights around. I would hate to interfere with your only source of income as you lost your job and now need to sell your body. As such it occurred to me that sleeping during the day and being awake at night meant that I would not see the sun. The thought of this was depressing so I installed several lights outside the building so that it would feel like it was day time while I am awake at night.

Regards Nick

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From: Susan Hunt
Date: Sunday 7 October 2012 11:59pm
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bright Light

What the fuck are you talking about? I did not lose my job and I’m not selling my body!

I had some friends over last night and we were playing some music. I don’t need to be awake right now; I have to work in the morning. Will you please turn of those lights?

I should probably tell you now that I am having a party next Saturday as it’s my birthday. We will be playing music then also.

Yours Sincerely,

Susan Hunt

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From: Nick Alexander
Date: Monday 8 October 2012 12:03am
To: Susan Hunt
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bright Light

Dear Susan,

I am sure that you can see how I was confused with the situation. After the music was finally turned off at 4:30 in the morning I was kept awake by what I thought was you participating in a gangbang. You sounded very enthusiastic, but I guess you have to have a positive attitude or you might not get good tips. I also did not realize that you were so religious but then again if I was being gangbanged by a group of men I would be saying “oh god” a lot also. Could I please ask that you pull your bed away from the wall a few inches? I was trying to Google pictures of Ryan Reynolds and it was very hard to concentrate with all of the banging. I am glad that we have got this cleared up.

Is the party going to be a costume party? You haven’t given me much notice to find something to wear. Has Sailor Moon already been taken?

Regards Nick

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From: Susan Hunt
Date: Monday 8 October 2012 12:11am
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bright Light

Nick,

The light is still on outside, please turn it off immediately. I need to be up for work in less than 6 hours.

OMG I don’t want to have this conversation with you anymore. It is not a costume party and you are not invited. There was no gangbang.

Yours Sincerely,

Susan Hunt

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From: Nick Alexander
Date: Monday 8 October 2012 12:14am
To: Susan Hunt
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bright Light

Dear Susan,

Since you will be up when I am going to bed and it is garbage day can I ask that you take my garbage out with yours?

Also I would suggest that you also switch your days and nights around. It has worked out well for me so far.

It is easy to see how you forgot to invite me to the party as you did not send out any invitations. I will take care of the invitations for you. Is there a theme for the party? Perhaps I can bring spinach dip. I make a really good spinach dip.

Regards Nick

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From: Susan Hunt
Date: Monday 8 October 2012 12:19am
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bright Light

Fuck off. Don’t email me again.

Yours Sincerely,

Susan Hunt

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From: Nick Alexander
Date: Monday 8 October 2012 12:22am
To: Susan Hunt
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bright Light

Ok.

Regards Nick

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From: Susan Hunt
Date: Monday 8 October 2012 12:23am
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bright Light

Are you being a dick or are you agreeing not to email me again?

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From: Nick Alexander
Date: Monday 8 October 2012 12:25am
To: Susan Hunt
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bright Light

Dear Susan,

I have prepared an invitation for your party and sent it out to a few guests? Attached is a copy in case there are people you want to invite also.

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From: Susan Hunt
Date: Monday 8 October 2012 12:28am
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bright Light

Go to Hell. And for fuck sake turn off that fucking light!

Yours Sincerely,

Susan Hunt

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