Self Serve at the Bar

So this happened last night… Not really funny but I honestly don’t remember a fucking thing from this night.

 I was walking by my usual watering hole last night and the owner Peter came running out yelling my name. He said we needed to talk. Talks with Peter don’t usually go well.

“Hey I have a complaint letter upstairs from a girl and her friend who said they came in an ordered some cocktails but the large bartender with the shaved head insisted that the bar only servers double vodka sodas. I don’t have a large bartender with a shaved head. I thought there were making it up so I checked the cameras and it was fucking you. Don’t go behind the fucking bar!” Peter yelled at me.

“So were they upset?” I asked.

“They were too fucking drunk to drive home and want me to pay for their cab fare” snapped Peter.

“Sounds to me like they had a pretty good time. You’re welcome” I replied.

“Welcome? I have complaint letters about you. You can’t go behind the bar. Look you’re welcome to come in anytime you want, just don’t go behind the bar and serve my customers” said Peter.

“Perhaps if the service wasn’t so fucking terrible these things wouldn’t happen” I remarked

“You can’t come in and get drunk like that…” started Peter

“Isn’t that the idea of going to a fucking bar Peter? Besides I am your number one customer” I quipped.

“Look, just take it easy when you come in to the bar” Peter said.

“When did this allegedly happen?” I asked.

“Saturday” he responded.

“Oh, yeah, I was pretty messed up Saturday so I can neither confirm nor deny that these alleged things took place” I said.

“I have you on camera” remarked Peter.

“Meh, doesn’t mean anything. Look, it sounds like everyone had a good time and no one got hurt. I also can’t promise that this won’t happen again. Kind of like when you made me promise to not sleep with anymore of your waitresses. I don’t want to lie to you anymore. Some things just aren’t going to change” I stated.

“What the fuck? Are you still banging my servers? No wonder I have to keep hiring new ones. It’s probably best you don’t come around for a while” Peter snarled.

“Yeah sounds good. See you on Saturday. Tequila and a beer?”

Peter just walked away.