Taking One for the Team

Every now and then it is sometimes necessary to take one for the team. This is usually predicated by the role of being a wing man and helping a buddy get his dinky stinky. But in this story it just simply is not the case.

There is a local cocktail lounge that my friends and I call our watering hole. We have been going there for years and have become somewhat iconic to the place. This being said we are rather protective of the establishment. We consider most of the staff friends and they consider us their income.

Over the years we have had a fair amount of influence over the hiring and firing practices here. Right or wrong this is reality. Last night we went in for some drinks. Some chick kept staring at us and then she walked behind the bar. I was shocked. I asked her "Do you work here or something?". She said she did. I have no idea how drunk the owner must have been to have even considered hiring her.

By no means was this chick cute enough to work there and she was slightly dumb too. And a little chunky I might add. This is a high-end fine cocktail lounge and it's clientele is very trendy. I called her over to talk to her and ask her name (we'll call her Chunks). Almost immediately I had to tell her not to talk anymore. She was bubbly and not the quirky cute kind. Fake and over produced.

Chunks asked what we wanted to drink and I ordered and Old Fashioned. She looked at me with her big doey, unintelligible brown eyes and asked "What's an Old Fashioned?" I told here not to worry about it and sent her on her way.

My friends were all in shock and clearly something had to be done. I asked the bartender what the deal was with Chucks. He shrugged his shoulders and said that one of the owners liked her. This was unacceptable. I can't come to this place and try to do my thing with someone like Chunks trying to be our server.

At this point my friends could already tell that I was thinking of how to fix the problem at hand. My friend Ricky looked at me and said "What? What are you going to do?" "I have and idea" I said.

"I am going to take one for the team because you guys are to pussy to deal with this with any sort of authority!" I proclaimed.

I laid out my planned. It was clear what had to be done. I had to have sex with Chunks. Awkward meaningless sex. The idea that she will become so uncomfortable that she will find another place to work.
This technique has been put to use before but the results aren't always what you would expect. I once created a stage 5 Klingon that took a few months to get rid of.

Well the plan is set in place for this weekend. Apparently she has a boyfriend but when I asked her she said there was no one. I may have my work cut out for me but this one is for the team and to save our beloved watering hole.

Wish me luck...